Having spoken to many people who have self-harm tendencies a
common theme running through them is the constant feeling of pity from those
who know about it. This is an interesting phenomenon that is only partially
based in reality.
Say you walk by someone who has a limb missing; you can’t
help but look at them with some pity or sympathy for what they are lacking.
This is especially true if you are not close with someone who is in a similar
situation and so naturally, you have no prior knowledge of what it is like for
that person to live. I find this to be much the same as how someone looks at a
person who self-harms and it is not at all meant in ill will (generally
speaking). People who have not experienced self-harm cannot be expected to
grasp the attraction to lighters, hair strengtheners, razors, knifes, etc. It
is simply something that they haven’t lived with and so they look at the person
who self-harms only seeing the unscathed skin and reduced physical pain that
person is missing out on.
Now for fantasized part. Facts are, everyone is going
through something so while they may look at someone who hurts themselves with
pity, they will shortly return to whatever is going on in their own lives. Then
the person with scars is left thinking that the other person is then pondering
how much better they are for their smooth, unblemished skin. No. 9 times out of
10 they will promptly move on after thinking about how they wish life was
easier for said person.
It is important to remember these interactions from both
sides and not just the one you are on. Telling someone about your self-harm is
a very personal thing that makes you feel very vulnerable, so if you are on the
receiving end of this news be respectful of how much courage that must have
taken. If you are the one delivering the news, take into account your
listener’s previous experience with the matter; if it’s limited, cut them some
slack.
Self-harming sucks but (as mentioned in previous posts)
finding out someone you love is hurting that much is also incredibly painful;
not to mention hard to understand/process.
Comments
Post a Comment