It's hard to be watched. I won't let people looking at this blog stop me from being honest. I've played off my emotions in the last couple posts (aside from Sexuality Struggles from an amazing contributor) as if I always know there's hope in tomorrow and am constantly looking at the positive. That's crap. Frankly, I've spent most of the holidays thus far in my room being mad at life...still am actually. I'm angry, hurt and feel pretty awful about myself. I feel like nobody (particularly a partner) will ever try for me or really want me. It's rough.
Ya ya, poor Riley...life is so hard (sarcasm). I know my struggles aren't revolutionary. However, this is my blog and I can say what I'd like. I think it's important to let yourself feel your feelings. I'll be the first to admit that this has never been my strong suit, in fact when my mom starts to cry I literally run the other direction to avoid the emotion.
Sometimes feelings are wonderful, like falling in love. What a sensation. Romantic love can go from incising and wonderful to heart-wrenching; like a knife to the gut in less then an hour. Teenage love 101, right? I realize I'm only 17 and therefore most people will have stopped paying attention at this point but if anyone is still reading this, hold on for me...I think I'm getting to a point.
As I mentioned in I am Weak; people who cry and allow themselves to feel feelings are healthier than though who don't. I probably spent north of an hour writing that post and yet, have still spent the last 24 hours refusing to cry despite the lump in my throat. Why can't I or most others learn the lesson we know exists?
There is the psychological answer; as children we were called a wimp at school for crying or told to suck it up at home when things didn't go our way; even as babies, many parents let their tots cry till they can't anymore and then calm themselves. Three deep breaths, slowing your heart-rate and your breathing. I am most certainly not critiquing how people deal with their screaming child especially because I'll probably do the same.
There are definite benefits to being able to calm yourself down. However, much like how a soother aids a baby in relaxing; things like alcohol, drugs or other harmful methods are used by adults. Interesting isn't it, how connected our childhood is to adulthood? I don't know what my connection is to my childhood but I know I hate feelings. I don't see a point to them but I suppose that's just the mental place I'm in right now.
Pain is a fact of life. Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) had 4 Noble Truths all of which surround facts of suffering and how imperative it is to accept it. Jesus had his fair share of grieving and even depression at times. "My God, my God; why have you forsaken me?" Mathew 27:46. Both of these figures spent time in solitude to process all that they saw going on around them and analyze how they should respond and feel about it all; if i could disappear into a dessert for 40 days and not be reported a missing minor...I would too.
Actually it's next to impossible to go off the grid anymore since we're all constantly connected to some sort of technology. Maybe we'd all be healthier we knew to truly detach. Maybe detaching would allow us to feel. Unfortunately, I am currently not mature enough to do so but perhaps one of you are.
Ya ya, poor Riley...life is so hard (sarcasm). I know my struggles aren't revolutionary. However, this is my blog and I can say what I'd like. I think it's important to let yourself feel your feelings. I'll be the first to admit that this has never been my strong suit, in fact when my mom starts to cry I literally run the other direction to avoid the emotion.
Sometimes feelings are wonderful, like falling in love. What a sensation. Romantic love can go from incising and wonderful to heart-wrenching; like a knife to the gut in less then an hour. Teenage love 101, right? I realize I'm only 17 and therefore most people will have stopped paying attention at this point but if anyone is still reading this, hold on for me...I think I'm getting to a point.
As I mentioned in I am Weak; people who cry and allow themselves to feel feelings are healthier than though who don't. I probably spent north of an hour writing that post and yet, have still spent the last 24 hours refusing to cry despite the lump in my throat. Why can't I or most others learn the lesson we know exists?
There is the psychological answer; as children we were called a wimp at school for crying or told to suck it up at home when things didn't go our way; even as babies, many parents let their tots cry till they can't anymore and then calm themselves. Three deep breaths, slowing your heart-rate and your breathing. I am most certainly not critiquing how people deal with their screaming child especially because I'll probably do the same.
There are definite benefits to being able to calm yourself down. However, much like how a soother aids a baby in relaxing; things like alcohol, drugs or other harmful methods are used by adults. Interesting isn't it, how connected our childhood is to adulthood? I don't know what my connection is to my childhood but I know I hate feelings. I don't see a point to them but I suppose that's just the mental place I'm in right now.
Pain is a fact of life. Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) had 4 Noble Truths all of which surround facts of suffering and how imperative it is to accept it. Jesus had his fair share of grieving and even depression at times. "My God, my God; why have you forsaken me?" Mathew 27:46. Both of these figures spent time in solitude to process all that they saw going on around them and analyze how they should respond and feel about it all; if i could disappear into a dessert for 40 days and not be reported a missing minor...I would too.
Actually it's next to impossible to go off the grid anymore since we're all constantly connected to some sort of technology. Maybe we'd all be healthier we knew to truly detach. Maybe detaching would allow us to feel. Unfortunately, I am currently not mature enough to do so but perhaps one of you are.