Read with caution if you’re already struggling with
self-harm or depression.
It’s had to explain how self-harm spreads but it does. All
it takes is one friend who cuts herself and then a whole grade at a school has
an outlet for internal pain and frustration. Coping mechanisms are for
everyone; something everyone needs and so we’re all constantly looking for idea
and strategies.
A couple
friends of mine started cutting in grade 8 and that opened a door for me.
Another friends scratched to deal with her anxiety and panic attacks; I started
scratching too; and I opened a door for a friend of mine. It’s not wildfire but
it certainly spreads, particularly amongst those who are mentally fragile
pre-spark.
This must be a terrifying statement for parents because
effectively there is nothing you can do to control what your child absorbs from
their peers. Keep reading
(especially if you’re a parent); it’ll get scarier before it gets better but
we’ll get there.
There are so many different types of self-harm and all of
them are accessible to young people. Not only that but there is also a lot of
pressure to hide information from parents- regardless of the topic. This means
that the likelihood of you communicating with your parents (or your child
communicating with you) is slim.
Part of what is so scary about self-mutilation is that for
the moment, it works; it achieves its goal of distracting form internal pain
and suffering. Speaking as one who
has tried that numbing technique many times though, it never lasts long enough.
It begins a treacherous cycle of self-harming to deal with the pain, and then
hating yourself for the ugly marks you’ve left, then the shame of trying to
hide it from those around you, which leads to more internal pain that you then
self-harm again to cope with. Repeat.
As previously mentioned, watching someone go through this
cycle can also lead to it spreading to friends and family. Having had friends
who picked up my bad habits, I can safely say that that is the worst part.
Seeing someone you care about begin to hurt themselves because of the seed that
was imbedded in their (sub) conscious from you is excruciating and
guilt-inducing…which leads to internal pain and so the cycle repeats again.
Where will it end? Well, frankly, nothing will end until
you’re willing to admit that there is something to talk about. Afraid of
telling your parents or friends about your self-harm? Nothing will improve
until you step-up; they can’t read your mind. Timid about talking to your kids
about what it is? If you don’t step-up soon you could end up having to in a
therapist’s office.
I have gone over how only 1/5 people with a mental illness
get the help they need; a huge part of that is the health system not being able
to support everyone but another aspect is people being afraid to talk about it;
to seek help. There is no shame in having a mental illness but that doesn’t
mean you can just wait it out and hope it gets better. In order for anything in
any aspect of life to truly improve, you need to get up and fight for it. You
also can’t expect your child to communicate with you about topics like this if
you never open the line of communication and let them have a safe space with
you. Nobody can be forced to share anything that they don’t want to so there
needs to be a space that they can go to…when they’re ready…on their own time
and not yours.
My parents knew nothing about my life and what was going on
until I wanted them to. My friends tried to intervene and inform my parents of
what was happening but I still managed to talk my way around it. My parents are
not stupid people; they are the best example of parents I’ve ever seen (though
I recognize my bias) they are nothing short of amazing. So why couldn’t they
see what I was struggling with? Because they raised a smart bunch of kids (if I
do say so myself); two intelligent adults produced 4 clever children.
Communication is key. Yeah, yeah, cheesy I know but still
true. I never opened up to my parents. I didn’t feel like that was a safe space
for me to be honest in. I am proud to say that after some emotional family
therapy, we’ve got that space. Do I occasionally conceal things from my
parents? I’m 17…yes. The major difference is that now I can tell them when I’m
feeling crappy and they can help me get out of that funk.
What to take from all this is essentially that if you want
to feel better you’re going to have to make it happen; no family is above a
couple solid sessions of family therapy (if you think you are then you
definitely need to be in it); and finally, if you want your kids to talk to you
then you need to create a space where that can happen (which is entirely
different then shoving yourself into their life).