Trying Is Only Your Own

The phrases, “you just need to apply yourself more,” or “just give the extra 10%; I know you can,” has plagued my education. No teacher I’ve ever had has thought that I was giving my all to my work. This used to really frustrate me because I honestly felt like I was trying; I was trying so hard to read more confidently in class, to memorize my math equations and so on. I never seemed to achieve what everyone wanted of me though and this was hard on me especially because I’ve dedicated my life to impressing the adults around me. As the eldest child in my family, I have had the most responsibility growing up and because of this I’ve had regular praise for my maturity and such. At some point this notion moved from just trying to impress those adults to trying to impress myself, my standards of excellence for myself far surpassed the true standards I was being held to.

I tried and worked and fought for myself with no apparent prevail. It was heartbreaking and anxiety inducing to handle. Then in grade 8 or 9 I was informed that I had a learning disability that I was diagnosed with in grade 2. Shortly thereafter I went to get re-tested to see where I was at then with my learning skills. Within 6 years I went from a severe learning disorder to mild without knowing it. I probably should have caught on with the endless hours of extra tutoring but I didn’t; I was always just striving to be “normal” without realizing what it was that I was fighting with.

After the most recent diagnosis of my leaning disability I was told that my 79-80 average in school was exactly where I should be! The relief I felt was unbelievable because I could finally accept myself. All that time nobody thought I was working to improve and keep up with my peers.

There is something interesting about how our society determines “trying.” There have been quite enough articles and such written about the definition of success but what is the definition of effort and trying? It cannot be a one-size-fits-all solution. Putting effort forth is something entirely personal. For example, someone suffering a severe bout of depression may be putting forth all their effort to get out of bed that day and so going to work/school just isn’t an option; but that certainly doesn’t mean that they aren’t doing their best. In contrast, a person who is naturally wonderful at math may not be putting forth any true effort into getting a 90 in the course. Who is to say which is right or wrong? To be frank, nobody but the individual can.

Now, I most definitely recognize that people say, “but Mom, I really am trying!” when in fact they just want to be allowed to go to that party. I may or may not have been guilty of this once or twice, but who isn't? The point still stands that dictating who is achieving their fullest potential will only discourage those who are but aren't meeting the societal norms.