I am not the only one who is glad 2013 is done. I learned a lot and I am grateful for that but I would not opt to do it again. Anybody else feel that way?
I could go through the "there were ups and downs" bit but I think that's a given. There is no way that I could have survived (literally) without some key people; unfortunately not all of those people are still vital to my life. My family is obviously among those who are and opening up to my parents and seeing them accept me was a huge part of aiding my mental health; I am incredibly lucky with my family life. Then there are friends and significant others.
Significant others. Frankly, this is a rough topic to go over but that's probably obvious. However, I won't deny these people the credit they are due. January till March wasn't easy, particularly at school and there was a guy who dealt with a lot of that; tried his best to support me through it and made it bearable for me. Similarly in the summer. Then the fall. Always someone to catch me when I fell (over and over again) despite the heartbreak on either side. Now I've got time to reflect. Thank you to all those people who stood by me for whatever stretch of time; it meant a lot.
There are these two guys; my New Years buddied and they are incredible. Both of them have put up with so much crap from me and the thing is...they don't see it as putting up with me because they actually care for me. We spent New Years lying around and chatting (plus breakfast at 2am) and that was the only way I'd have wanted to spend that night; with friends I love and who love me. It's rare that I believe someone loves me but these guys have broken through that wall.
There have certainly been dark times even when I had these amazing people around and I won't write myself off completely here; I worked freaking hard to improve mentally but it couldn't have been this amazing without them.
Man, I've got such phenomenal people around me.
I've got a lot going for me; I've got a lot crap fighting against me. I've done a lot to harm myself and only recently have I begun things to build myself up again. I still have really dark moments (as you can see in other posts) and they continue to happen almost frequently. They have driven me into scary places sometimes...suicidal thoughts are not foreign to me.
Many people who follow The War Paint on Twitter are about how 2014 they'll be clean from self-harm. Many more are about how they want to lose __lbs with the new year via not eating. I know I can't change anyone's thoughts on this, people do what they want to do. I'm just here throwing out my opinions. In my experience these types of resolutions are too specific and not realistic.
My resolution is to continuously want to see 2015. That is the goal, just wanting to see 2015 and acting like it. Although it isn't in my plan, if I were to self-harm I wouldn't get down on myself for breaking the promise I made myself because that wasn't the promise. I know I'm human and screw up, I also know that if I break a promise to myself, I'll hate myself for it and that's simply unhelpful. Essentially all my promise is, is that I'll keep consciously choosing life, no matter how dark my mind gets.
Do I hope never to cut again? Naturally; I've broken people's hearts with that nuisance. I also hope to never react badly to an anxiety attack but these aren't things I can promise. I am human. A living, breathing human with a heartbeat who screws up. The goal is to constantly want and accept that.
I could go through the "there were ups and downs" bit but I think that's a given. There is no way that I could have survived (literally) without some key people; unfortunately not all of those people are still vital to my life. My family is obviously among those who are and opening up to my parents and seeing them accept me was a huge part of aiding my mental health; I am incredibly lucky with my family life. Then there are friends and significant others.
Significant others. Frankly, this is a rough topic to go over but that's probably obvious. However, I won't deny these people the credit they are due. January till March wasn't easy, particularly at school and there was a guy who dealt with a lot of that; tried his best to support me through it and made it bearable for me. Similarly in the summer. Then the fall. Always someone to catch me when I fell (over and over again) despite the heartbreak on either side. Now I've got time to reflect. Thank you to all those people who stood by me for whatever stretch of time; it meant a lot.
There are these two guys; my New Years buddied and they are incredible. Both of them have put up with so much crap from me and the thing is...they don't see it as putting up with me because they actually care for me. We spent New Years lying around and chatting (plus breakfast at 2am) and that was the only way I'd have wanted to spend that night; with friends I love and who love me. It's rare that I believe someone loves me but these guys have broken through that wall.
There have certainly been dark times even when I had these amazing people around and I won't write myself off completely here; I worked freaking hard to improve mentally but it couldn't have been this amazing without them.
Man, I've got such phenomenal people around me.
I've got a lot going for me; I've got a lot crap fighting against me. I've done a lot to harm myself and only recently have I begun things to build myself up again. I still have really dark moments (as you can see in other posts) and they continue to happen almost frequently. They have driven me into scary places sometimes...suicidal thoughts are not foreign to me.
Many people who follow The War Paint on Twitter are about how 2014 they'll be clean from self-harm. Many more are about how they want to lose __lbs with the new year via not eating. I know I can't change anyone's thoughts on this, people do what they want to do. I'm just here throwing out my opinions. In my experience these types of resolutions are too specific and not realistic.
My resolution is to continuously want to see 2015. That is the goal, just wanting to see 2015 and acting like it. Although it isn't in my plan, if I were to self-harm I wouldn't get down on myself for breaking the promise I made myself because that wasn't the promise. I know I'm human and screw up, I also know that if I break a promise to myself, I'll hate myself for it and that's simply unhelpful. Essentially all my promise is, is that I'll keep consciously choosing life, no matter how dark my mind gets.
Do I hope never to cut again? Naturally; I've broken people's hearts with that nuisance. I also hope to never react badly to an anxiety attack but these aren't things I can promise. I am human. A living, breathing human with a heartbeat who screws up. The goal is to constantly want and accept that.