Happy Valentines Day! Now let me tell you why relationships
aren’t everything (especially in high school).
So if you follow this blog you may have heard me post about
my boyfriend. Well, long story short I’m no longer with him and am seeing
someone else. I’ve already been over my apparent inability to be single in past
posts (though I’d like to throw out there that I didn’t see this one coming and
was happy for the time I was single).
I know I sound like the wrong person to explain why high
school relationships are over-rated…but they are.
I am in the final 3½ months of high school (not including
the break). The future is bearing down on me. I am not in the trickiest
situation though because I’m not going to university in the fall but I still
need to figure out what to do. My entire grade seems to agree that we all need
a change in scenery. This consequently means that most relationships will come
to an end before August (at the latest).
“Ya I get what you’re saying, Riley, but I’m only in grade
9/10/11! I want a significant other!”
Totally fair. I spent years planning my post-secondary
education around various guys. Hey! Relationships are fun! No doubt about it.
However, if you are making the choice to be in a relationship while in high
school, I urge you to do something I didn’t, don’t let it own your life. Let me
explain what that means; that means that you should still make plans with your
friends, you should still go away on trips, you should still be involved in any
extra-circular that interest you and don’t sacrifice your joy for the sake of
feeling loved for a few minutes.
I started dating in the 8th grade and have since
had relationships that were pretty painful so I blocked them out (I have a
wonderfully selective memory). Now that I’m wrapping up this time in my life, I
am trying to reflect on my time in high school and am realizing that…I can’t
remember most of it. No, none of that is due to drugs or alcohol. I let
whomever I was seeing run my life, time and thoughts so when the relationship
ended and I blocked the memories, I am left with no recollection of that time
period at all.
It’s fun getting lost in a relationship but the healthiest
relationships I’ve ever had are when both of us remember that we have lives,
responsibilities, and things that make us happy outside of one another.
However, this takes a certain level of maturity and frankly,
it’s a level I was lacking up until this past year. I like to think of myself
as relatively mature but this was always an area of weakness for me so I figure
I can’t be the only one.
Here’s a quick checklist to go through/things to ask
yourself before jumping into a committed relationship:
- How well do I know this person? –You don’t want
to be with someone before you actually know if they’re good for you.
- Is it more than a physical attraction? – Look,
physical attraction is important in a relationship but certainly isn’t
everything…you should be able to have real conversations. Making out doesn’t
make a relationship.
3
- How long have you liked them for? –From personal experience, it’s only safe to know if you actually like someone if you’ve liked them for more than a couple weeks.
- How long have you liked them for? –From personal experience, it’s only safe to know if you actually like someone if you’ve liked them for more than a couple weeks.
- What does "making it work" look like for you as a couple? Lately I have heard a lot of "I hope it works out" type things. I think it's important to figure out what that means for you. Assuming that the max amount of time the relationship will last is till high school ends...does working out mean that you date said person? Or that it lasts more than a month? Makes it till the conclusion of high school?
- Are you lonely and unhappy being alone? -This is most definitely one that I'll be called a hypocrite for but it's still valid. People are very good at coming up with logic that isn't sound anywhere but in their own minds. Convincing themselves that this new relationship is the right answer is common in order to not have to face loneliness. Being happy by yourself takes a certain level of confidence...one you should have in order to be in a relationship as well. It's not fair to use someone as your way out of facing yourself.
Hopefully these will prove of some use to someone out there in internet land.
Happy Valentines Day, again!!
Hopefully these will prove of some use to someone out there in internet land.
Happy Valentines Day, again!!