Below is an article from the Toronto Star about a boy about my age who
killed himself recently. Read it through- below are my thoughts.
Teen’s
family breaks the silence on suicide
Shayne
Clench’s family hopes that being open about his struggles with depression that
led to his suicide can help break the stigma on mental health.
VIEW 3 PHOTOS
Ajax teen Shayne Clench took his own life after a battle with
depression.
Shayne
Clench’s death notice is startlingly honest: the Ajax teen “passed away
suddenly by taking his own life.”
The
obituary, nestled among hundreds of others in the pages of the Star, breaks the
taboo on publicizing suicide: a stigma that shames families into silence and
helps no one, least of all others who are themselves contemplating the ultimate
act.
For the
Clench family, who gathered last week to bury the 17-year-old, there was never
a question of hiding his cause of death.
“There’s
no sugar-coating it — this is what happened,” said his sister, Shannan. “I
guess we’re hoping to spread the word. If people see the pain this causes, it
could discourage others from doing it.”
“Everybody
likes to tuck it under the bed, like these things don’t happen,” added his
other sister, Meaghan. “But if we bring it into the open, maybe people will
feel like they can talk about it.”
They
speak in that frank way people do when they’ve already cried all they can and
have no tears left. Having a reporter at their brother’s funeral isn’t helping
the grieving process, no matter how much they try to say it does.
A slim,
bright-eyed boy with tousled brown hair stares out confidently from photos
handed out by the family — but they were taken almost three years ago, before
the depression had really taken hold. More recently, it had become impossible
to get Shayne to even come to the dinner table, let alone pose for a picture.
Shayne’s
family and friends describe him as a warm, kind and fun-loving boy who was
always good for a laugh and eager to cheer people up even when he wasn’t
feeling too hot himself. He would research subjects he was into — hockey, the
military, playing music and fantasy games — and then explain them passionately
to anyone who would listen.
But
when Shayne entered into a new or uncomfortable situation, he was struck with a
crippling social anxiety that silenced him and attracted bullies.
“They
always seem to pick on the nice ones,” said his father, Mel, a natural gas technician.
Shayne
had a funny walk, so stiff his dad would tell him to loosen up. It was this
physical attribute that attracted negative attention at school, which
progressively became an excruciating experience, until Shayne stopped going
altogether.
I cannot express my gratitude to this family. They are not
going to be shamed into silence about this tragedy. Shayne spent too long being
silent himself and his family knows- it’s time for that silence to end.
Cass Wallance once said;
“I don’t think it’s the right solution and I loose [should be *lose*] some
respect for people who have done it, depending on the situation.”
In my personal opinion, this is why people end up doing it.
This is what perpetuates the stigma. When I was very young I thought teens who
killed themselves were the most selfish kind of people. “How could they not
know what it would do to their families?” but now, having had moments of
suicidal thoughts, the truth is that they don’t believe it will effect anyone,
a lot of the time. People who are considering it tend to believe that they are
worth nothing or less than nothing so their ceasing to exist would either not
matter to anyone or would make others lives better. Is this skewed? Of course,
but it’s the reality that they see.
When Amanda Todd killed herself there were comments made
online about how the world was better off without her. This boy, Shayne, he had
definitely heard about Amanda, everyone in Canada has, and if that’s what he
could see people saying about her after she ended it all, why wouldn’t he
believe the same would be said about him? I’m not saying that’s actually what
went through his mind; obviously I have no idea what his specific challenges
were but that train of thought makes sense.
The University of Ottawa actually did a study showing that
suicide may be ‘contagious’ amongst teens especially as they hear stories about
others taking their own lives.
This epidemic needs to stop. Too much is being lost with the
death of these young people. Youth need to know that it's ok to be going through a rough patch, it's normal and they are not alone. Feeling bad about yourself or your life is nothing to be ashamed of, everyone goes through times like that and you are not selfish for feeling helpless. There are people around that have also gone through struggles and if you open up, maybe you'll learn who they are. I'd urge those people to be vocal about what they've endured- it could save someone else's life
If anyone reading this was considering ending his
or her life, please know that, despite all the evil things your mind tells you,
you are worth the fight.
This is frightening.
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