University Life/ Frosh Week

People say that university is amazing because you can take the courses you like, shake the old high school reputation and such. They're right. The problem is that reinventing yourself can be dangerous. I hated high school and I am loving university but I've been trying so hard to be what I wasn't in high school...cool. I want to be cool; have a group of friends to go party, grab a bite or enjoy life with. I didn't have that type of experience previously and as a teenager grows up, that kind of activity is all we're told to aim for.

Having been on university campus for a whole week, I can confidently say that trying to be someone that I fundamentally am not isn't working out. I've been out partying almost every night this week, pretending to be the party girl who is carefree and social. I hate partying constantly; I'm not a big fan of excessive drinking because it makes me feel terrible about myself and the social anxiety I have around large groups of my peers physically causes me pain.

The number of friends I have who have already sacrificed their morals for the sake of a "good night" is heartbreaking. What's so great about waving at your alcohol tolerance level as it passes you by? People use that as an excuse to do dumb stuff. My father has a saying, 'be drunk or be stupid; not both,' and as the designated week for first-year students to be both ends...I realize how right he is.

I'm not this girl. I have good intuition and things tend to go well when I trust it. There was an incident this week where I was at a party, someone made a dumb decision that got our host in trouble so I knew it was time for me to go home. I didn't want to be a part of something that would get a friend of mine in trouble. Approximately 15 minutes later when people came looking for me, I was talked into returning to the party which then wrapped up in a whole bunch of us being reported to Residence Life for underage drinking. I knew I should have gone and stayed home but I didn't because I was afraid. Nobody wants to feel isolated and the fact that someone came looking for me at all made me feel special so I decided to roll with it. Now the weight of that one moment (which really hasn't landed anyone in significant trouble) is still impacting me and I have nobody but myself to blame.

I am a smart girl, I know even when I'm drunk, I am not going to do anything outside of who I am/ what I want. In this case I decided to let what I wanted outweigh my instincts and that's where it landed me. Alcohol or drugs are often used as an excuse to do what you wanted to anyway, that's not to say that your inhibitions aren't lowered or anything like that, because they are, but you as a person don't change. University comes and provides the perfect opportunity to go beyond the box you were in, in high school but there is a fine line between the box you were in and who you actually are as a person. I can't honestly say that I was drunk and that's why I returned to the party, no...I wanted to even though I knew I shouldn't.

On a slightly different note, the only friends I feel like I actually have are the people who I have been myself with, who actually know me instead of just the routine I put on at the parties. It's only been a week and there is still lots of opportunities to make real friends or enhance the connections I currently have but there is no fun anymore in this misconception I strut around in like my invisibility cloak.

The long and short of it is, pretending to be someone else is pointless and stressful. Use opportunities like university or moving to a new town/school as a chance to learn more about yourself instead of trying to be a fictional character.