Welcome to my blog! This blog contains the story of my adolescence and my battles with mental illness along with a few wonderful and brave people who shared their own experiences. I was so privileged to have many people in my life who supported me while I was writing this.
I am now 22. I am not a teenager anymore, thus the name change (for those who don't know it used to be called The War Paint of Another Depressed Teen). I am happily engaged to an amazing man who lights up my, still sometimes very dark, world. I am at school studying to be a Child and Youth Care Practitioner. Basically what that means is that I figured out a way to do what I've always loved, to talk to young people about what's going on in their lives and see if we can work out a way to make life moving forward a little easier.
I still struggle. I still have Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. I still think about self-harm sometimes. Those aren't things that magically disappear. If you take a browse through this blog you will see that some days I thought I had all the answers and others I was completely lost. This is still sometimes the case. Having said all that, I am still here and I have a very full and happy life.
This blog was written with a few purposes in mind. The first being to give myself a way to vent, to compile my thoughts and organize them enough so that myself and others might have a shot at understanding them. The second was to let people know that they are not alone. It is with that purpose in mind that I thought I might write an update post. I know as well as anyone that when you are suffering it does not help to hear, "Don't worry! It'll get better!" from some happy-clappy person who appears to have it all together. That is why I will not be editing this blog. I am not going to go back and fix all my spelling and grammar mistakes or remove my more somber posts because I want anyone who accidentally stumbles upon this to know that I have been through some crap and while it may never vanish, it actually does get better.
A large part of being in my school program is exploring yourself so that when something comes up with a youth you are supporting that is challenging and relatable for you, you are able to acknowledge inwardly that this is something you're feeling and then setting it aside so it doesn't interfere with your intervention with the young person. You are then obligated to address it in your private time, to work through the process of why you have the feelings you do and decide how you can best take care of yourself. I have completed a never ending flurry of assignments designed to help me identify the issues that might be hard for me to see objectively in my practice and come up with self-care strategies for when the stress of it starts to get to me. Thankfully, I documented so much of that in high school! I have a particularly hard time addressing issues like self-harm or suicidal ideation/actions with objectivity because I not only went through those feelings myself but watched some dear friends go through similar stuff. I know that when I begin to feel overwhelmed by what is going on with individuals I support or my life in general, I need to spend time alone doing an activity. Personally, I really enjoy finger painting and assembling 3D Harry Potter puzzles. If I don't take the time I need to destress I almost always end up physically ill and then my body forces me to take the time off.
If it weren't for this blog and all the inspiring people who supported it, I never would have found all these strategies or supports that are so vital to me now. I may very well have never realized how much I love working with young people and helping them problem solve like so many helped me do. Who knows, I may not have even seen my 22nd birthday.
So from one depressed post-teen to you, life keeps going so you may as well stick around and see how the story ends. Turns out, it will probably not be perfect but it can end up a lot happier than you ever have thought.
I am now 22. I am not a teenager anymore, thus the name change (for those who don't know it used to be called The War Paint of Another Depressed Teen). I am happily engaged to an amazing man who lights up my, still sometimes very dark, world. I am at school studying to be a Child and Youth Care Practitioner. Basically what that means is that I figured out a way to do what I've always loved, to talk to young people about what's going on in their lives and see if we can work out a way to make life moving forward a little easier.
I still struggle. I still have Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. I still think about self-harm sometimes. Those aren't things that magically disappear. If you take a browse through this blog you will see that some days I thought I had all the answers and others I was completely lost. This is still sometimes the case. Having said all that, I am still here and I have a very full and happy life.
This blog was written with a few purposes in mind. The first being to give myself a way to vent, to compile my thoughts and organize them enough so that myself and others might have a shot at understanding them. The second was to let people know that they are not alone. It is with that purpose in mind that I thought I might write an update post. I know as well as anyone that when you are suffering it does not help to hear, "Don't worry! It'll get better!" from some happy-clappy person who appears to have it all together. That is why I will not be editing this blog. I am not going to go back and fix all my spelling and grammar mistakes or remove my more somber posts because I want anyone who accidentally stumbles upon this to know that I have been through some crap and while it may never vanish, it actually does get better.
A large part of being in my school program is exploring yourself so that when something comes up with a youth you are supporting that is challenging and relatable for you, you are able to acknowledge inwardly that this is something you're feeling and then setting it aside so it doesn't interfere with your intervention with the young person. You are then obligated to address it in your private time, to work through the process of why you have the feelings you do and decide how you can best take care of yourself. I have completed a never ending flurry of assignments designed to help me identify the issues that might be hard for me to see objectively in my practice and come up with self-care strategies for when the stress of it starts to get to me. Thankfully, I documented so much of that in high school! I have a particularly hard time addressing issues like self-harm or suicidal ideation/actions with objectivity because I not only went through those feelings myself but watched some dear friends go through similar stuff. I know that when I begin to feel overwhelmed by what is going on with individuals I support or my life in general, I need to spend time alone doing an activity. Personally, I really enjoy finger painting and assembling 3D Harry Potter puzzles. If I don't take the time I need to destress I almost always end up physically ill and then my body forces me to take the time off.
If it weren't for this blog and all the inspiring people who supported it, I never would have found all these strategies or supports that are so vital to me now. I may very well have never realized how much I love working with young people and helping them problem solve like so many helped me do. Who knows, I may not have even seen my 22nd birthday.
So from one depressed post-teen to you, life keeps going so you may as well stick around and see how the story ends. Turns out, it will probably not be perfect but it can end up a lot happier than you ever have thought.
Comments
Post a Comment