When I was 17, I was helping a friend of mine cast and direct a play. It was going to be the first time 2 women kissed on stage at our all-girls school. Right from the start, I was committed to helping however I could, whether that was bringing the cast lunch or helping run auditions.
Without giving too much away, Stop Kiss was written by Diana Son and set in New York. Two friends find themselves falling in love and just as they get to have their first kiss a violent hate crime takes place.
At this point in my life, (unbeknownst to my family) I had briefly been seeing a woman and fallen completely head over heels for her. This was the first time that I comprehensively became aware that someone could like both boys and girls. Having no outlet in my life to deal with those feelings, this play became my haven. Our leading roles of Callie and Sara had to be recast numerous times as our actors kept dropping out. With time running out until the play went up, our director asked if I would be willing to play Sara and she eventually ended up playing Callie.
As my involvement with the play grew, my family began to wonder why this project was so important to me; I’d never shown interest in extracurricular activities generally, let alone acting. One evening, my father came to ask point-blank. I don’t recall exactly how the conversation went but I do remember blurting out “because I like girls.”
Not my most eloquent moment but it got the information out there.
In the play, the characters not only experience a horrific hate crime but then have to endure provocative questioning from police and family afterward. This led to many conversations amongst the cast and crew in an attempt to understand what these women would have felt like. This was a lot for someone who had just somewhat impulsively come out and had not yet been exposed to queer culture or history at all.
Like many people who identify as bisexual, my sexuality has been disregarded or made the punchline more times than I can count. I’m so glad that Stop Kiss exposed me to some of the homophobic slurs and sentiments that I was going to encounter in my life before I was confronted with them personally. When I married a man in 2019, I felt a collective sigh of relief from those who thought that would put an end to that “phase” in my life.
This month celebrates the 40th anniversary of Toronto’s Pride. The world has come a long way since I came out as bisexual in 2014. If I had known other terms existed, I would have identified as pansexual but I simply didn’t have the vocabulary yet. Thanks to the incredible efforts of so many, there is an improving understanding of the LGBTQIA+ community and the basic human rights that the community continues to have to fight for. It brings me such joy to see young people on Tiktok getting to express themselves in ways I never would have had the audacity to attempt. There are mainstream artists who are sharing their stories and identities. I am hopeful for the future but people shouldn’t have to be considered brave for being who they are.
June 23, 2021 I will turn 25 and with 7 years of growth behind me, I am still learning about who I am in this ever-shifting world. It sucks sometimes and I occasionally get frustrated that I don’t just have all the answers right now. I just have to trust the process.
Resources:
Crisis line and support resource for LGBTQIA+ young people
Mental Health Helpline
Call: 1-866-531-2600
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