The Girl Who Lived

What house are you in?

The sorting hat can’t decide for me. I’m most often in Ravenclaw but have also gotten Slytherin and Hufflepuff. 

It’s funny. I’m part of the age group that started reading the series around the release of The Order of the Phoenix, which works out to about grade 3. However, because I was miles behind my peers in reading, I missed this step. I was still reading “Junie B. Jones” when my friends were reading the Chamber of Secrets. I didn’t read the books or see all the movies until I was 18 but just like many elementary school students, I found refuge in it.

Today, I listen to The Goblet of Fire every night to fall asleep. I used to have rough nightmares so I get anxious around bedtime and listening to Harry Potter books helps me relax (yes, Voldemort and all).

SPOILERS AHEAD! 

I know nearly everyone has read the books or at least watched the movies but my brother is still reading them so I have to be careful.

The first moment (in the books) that I knew I was home was when Albus Dumbledore said, “Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Scars can come in useful. I have one myself above my left knee which is a perfect map of the London Underground,” in regard to removing baby Harry’s scar (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, pg. 16). My scars don’t have any magical significance, they won’t protect me from You-Know-Who but I still think of them as useful. They show where I have been, what I have overcome, and my decision to keep going. Now that I think of it..they are proof of my triumph over darkness, a reminder of where I came from, and a sign that I lived. Maybe they are magical and while I don’t have a dark wizard after me, I do have depression, and that sometimes feels like my joy is being hunted. Forget “Riley.” You can just call me The Girl Who Lived. 

Another such moment came when Professor Lupin is assuring Harry that his reaction to the Dementors is not weak. Harry believes that since he is the only one to pass out when they are around that he is not as strong as everyone else but Lupin says, “The Dementors affect you worse than the others because there are true horrors in your past that the others don’t have,” Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, pg. 197). Have you ever felt like something was impacting you too deeply? People around you don’t seem as phased so it must be your deficit. Once, a university professor assigned us watching “the Virgin Suicides” as homework. I think the title is self-explanatory so suffice to say, I had a long spiral following that. My classmates were back in class the next week with notes on the dialogue and writing while I was rocking back and forth in the corner praying I wasn’t called on to speak because I might burst into tears. Did that make me weaker than them? No. I spent years talking to and befriending young people who thought about, tried, and once did suicide. On top of my own stuff. This movie hit me differently from my peers and that’s okay. I had a different history.

“It’s alright,” said a dreamy voice from beside Harry as Ron vanished into the coach’s interior. “You’re not going mad or anything. I can see them too”… “Don’t worry. You’re just as sane as I am,” (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, pg. 184).

I know this one is already treasured by super cool Potterheads, like myself, who take comfort in knowing that there is a community of people out there who are just as sane as ourselves; but it still makes my list. I’ve never been Luna, but always wanted to be. I want to be that unapologetically myself. As I get older, further from high school, and put a few more humbling experiences under my belt, I am getting more comfortable with my particular brand of crazy but it’s still a work in progress. Nothing helps this process more than finding someone who can see the same thestrals as me. 

Finally, have you ever said or done something with the best intentions at the time but in retrospect…

“Yes, we have been given power as, yes, that power gives us the right to rule, but it also gives us responsibilities over the ruled. We must stress this point, it will be the foundation stone upon which we build. Where we are opposed, as we surely will be, this must be the basis of all our counter-arguments. We seize control FOR THE GREATER GOOD,” (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, pg. 291).

As we know, Albus gave the most powerful dark wizard prior to Voldemort the tagline to justify his atrocities. He then spent the entirety of his adult life paying for and learning from those boyhood naiveties. I cannot count the number of things I have said and done with good intentions but reflecting on them now… were terribly misguided. I’m sure a number of people reading this can think of an instance or two themselves so I’ll spare myself the embarrassment of recounting them for you. This was a very humanizing moment for Harry to see that Dumbledore was not always perfect, and had made poor choices like we all do. The challenge was in forgiving him for those moments and putting them into perspective with the man he knew and loved. Think about your parents or significant adults in your life. Do you remember when you realized they were humans that made mistakes? Some will have realized this in their childhood while others didn’t see it until they were grown-ups themselves. I was somewhere in the middle. I challenged my parents so significantly in my adolescence that it became clear that they were just people, doing their best. 

I’m glad I got to HP late in life after I had already gone through darkness. While it would have been nice to grow up with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Luna, and the twins as friends, I think I needed them more as a budding adult. If you keep track of the wizarding world, you might have seen and been affected by J. K.  Rowling’s comment on Twitter lately. I’m not going to get into my thoughts on all that but just remember, we know this world, this world is ours now and it can be whatever we need it to be. It doesn’t matter what house you’re in, we’re in this together.

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light,” (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban).